


Just once

by Isilloth



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Darkening, F/M, Memory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-20 18:22:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9505142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isilloth/pseuds/Isilloth
Summary: Amras is recalling memory from his past life.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly written for Maylovely on tumblr, here I upload "improved" version.

He treasured this memory every since. In Beleriand where their ways parted, in Halls of Mandos, where his spirit lingered and in Valinor after he was released. And now he recalled it again, just before they were to meet first time in almost ten thousands years. Was it so meaning full for her also? Did she remember this day? Or night, for in darkness there were no way of telling them apart. 

And darkness was terrifying. There were only stars, torches and bonfires, not enough to ward it off. For them, children of light, who never knew anything, but everlasting brightness of the Two Trees it was something unnatural. Terrifying. 

At the beginning they were just shocked. Everyone made rash, reckless decision. He did that too. And there were no time for regrets. They came later. 

After their Oath, after kinslaying in Alqualonde everything slowed down and, suddenly, he felt dazed by what he had done. It seemed to be so… unreal. As if this happened to different person. As if they were different people back then…

One night, or at least at the time when they all tried to rest, Amrod went to speak with father, and they were sitting alone by bonfire. Tinwincë cuddled up to him, seeking for warm. Days without light were cool, with coldness they never knew before.

‘So much have changed’ she said. ‘A ten years ago, what am I saying, year ago, who would think we do… such thing.’ She did not speak again, but Amras felt tension in her body. None would think… And he still felt as if it was just a nightmare from which he couldn’t wake up.

‘You can’t get lost in this, Tinwincë. It would destroy you if you let it.’

‘And maybe it should? Maybe I should be destroyed? Maybe we all should?’

‘Don’t talk like that’ he said, turning her to see her face. ‘Don’t talk like that. You don’t mean it’

Her eyes gleamed in darkness angrily. But soon she seemed to calm down, return to apathy.

‘So you think is enough that our life are over, and we’re left here to mourn it. To regret our deed.’

‘You don’t know what would happened with us...’ he said and kissed her. It was an impulse and he immediately got scared she would run away.

‘Amras?’ Tinwincë was looking at him, eyes widely open. ‘What did you do?’

‘I… I’m sorry’

‘Don’t be’ she kissed him back. He would swear she even smiled gently, something he thought he would never see on her face again. 

Later he wondered if she did it just because of despair, fear and loneliness or she really felt something for him. And he had never known. 

In this darkest hour, they made love under the stars. Their kisses were gently, their caresses shy. And they fell asleep in each other arms. 

The next morning Tinwincë woke up early and rushed from their bedding quickly, even though Amras tried to stop her. They had met this day, or the day after and soon, father ordered them to take ships and sail to Beleriand. Without turning back. To live in regret.


End file.
